Samwise's Get Fit Blog

[Samwise]

OK then fans.

I know that all of you out there are desperate to hear news on how my get fit campaign is going so I have created a special thread just for you!

There will be plenty of pics, graphs and statistics and yes, maybe once in a while, the odd picture of my hot, sweaty, muscular, pulsating, Adonis like body just to send you women and gays into a fit of masturbationary heaven and make the men amongst you turn away in shame when comparing your pitiful week bodies against my Mr Universe physique.

So then, onto some pictures.


Putting together of the might machine

http://www.philbond.nildram.co.uk/misc/concept/2.jpg

So then, my rowing machine coiled up like a serpent just ready to strike out.

http://www.philbond.nildram.co.uk/misc/concept/3.jpg

It starts to stretch out in anticipation.

http://www.philbond.nildram.co.uk/misc/concept/4.jpg

My son looks on in awe and amazement at such a man as his father.

http://www.philbond.nildram.co.uk/misc/concept/5.jpg

Getting ready to start inserting the hard member into the gaping hole.

http://www.philbond.nildram.co.uk/misc/concept/6.jpg

In it slides.

http://www.philbond.nildram.co.uk/misc/concept/7.jpg

There are always casualties in war, and in The War Against Unfitness there is no exception. My poor son crushed and mauled to death by my rowing machine. I think I will have a small brass plaque commissioned and placed on the rowing machine seat in memory of his sacrifice.

So then - the beast is out. At 18.00 hours I will ride it in fury for the first time in over a year. I will report back.

[Dilbert]

I would suggest some plastic sheeting down on that floor cos otherwise that carpets gonan get wet and smelly very quickly with a lump like you thrashing up and down above it !

[Samwise]

15.30 The tension is visibly rising as the time gets nearer for the first row. A small crowd has started to form out side my front door for the 18.00 kick off.

p.s. a small towel may be required

[Samwise]

16.25 I have now been hydrating myself for the past 30 mins using a mixture of plain green tea, lemon green tea and mint green tea. I can feel the antioxidants begining to course around my body as I gear myself up to battle the great satan of unfitness.

[Golem]

pld Sam, gl :)

[Dilbert]

Its not gonna happen in an upstairs room is it btw ? If it please ensure that all small children are removed the floor below where you will be thrashing up and down !

[[KIA]Rapt0r]

lal, gl mate :)

[Samwise]

17.35 R Time is approaching rapidly. What started out as a small trickle of interested passers-by has now turned into a 1000 strong throng of enthralled people outside my front door. Next time I will sell tickets.

I am starting to work up a sweat in anticipation of the event.

I have found my jockstrap, so ladies, no need to worry about any nasty accidents ;) Proof below.


http://www.philbond.nildram.co.uk/misc/concept/9.jpg

I am about to begin my warming up exercises and then focus 100% on the imminent start of my rowing activities.

[Hippychix]

WHIP IT GOOD SAM WHIP WHIP... SHAKE YA BOOTIE

BIG BUTTS GOOOOOOOO OGADGET GOO

[Samwise]

as i reach out to my... strength has left my bodyy... hard to trype. my vision begins to fail.. ooh.. is this the en

[Samwise]

I'm back. After the heroic evernts of yesterday life is slowly settling itself down back to normal. After the row I had to replenish the iron loss so was forced down the pub to enjoy a medicinal 10 pints of guinness.

Anyway - those numbers you have been waiting for! The first row was really just to see how super unfit I was and to guage where I should start of at. The only criteria was to row at under 2mins per 500m split. (it should be pointed out that halfway through the row my mp3 player and headphones managed to get caught up with my arm and ended up getting thrown on to the floor knocking me out of my natural rhythm!!). Anyway, managed to row 1512m at an average 500m split of 1.58.4, followed by 20 sit-ups and 5 pushups.

So, the beanchmarking done I will now aim to do 1.5km for the next 3 rows then go up by 250 metres every third row. Pushup and situps will also go up but at a more random rate. I will row everyother day such point that I feel fit enought to row everyday.

So there you go, you can go back to dreaming of my hot body pulsating back and forth in a sheen of perspiration knowing that I am doing my bit for the survival of humanity.

[Hippychix]

why do u need a jock strap just to work out>??????

and nO U DONT HAVE A LARGE WILLY

[Samwise]

So then - the first three 1.5km rows are completed - next row will be up to 1750m. It wouldn't be a good getting fit thread without the obligitory graph/table:

http://www.philbond.nildram.co.uk/misc/getfit1.jpg

[Samwise]

Ok then.

I know that some of my loyal fans have been wondering what is going on - well a cold and the weekend has happened. Anyway, I did my final 1750m today so tomorrow I will do the first big 2000m of the fitness campaign. Latest times below:



http://www.philbond.nildram.co.uk/misc/getfit2.jpg

[Cam]

go easy on the push ups big guy.

[Samwise]

go easy on the push ups big guy.

this is one of those very rare moments that I am actually going to take any notice of something you say. Cheers for the tip m8y.

[Samwise]

Just to keep my fan club up to date.

http://www.philbond.nildram.co.uk/misc/Image4.jpg

[Hippychix]

strokes per minute.. is that a wanking calculation ????

[hlspwn]

What level do you row on ?

[Samwise]

at the moment level 6. Once I get up to around 4km - 5km I will then vary the setting between 10 and 2 to change the elements I am getting better at - i.e. level 2 for endurance (stroke rate prob around 35) and level 10 (stroke rate prob around 25) for power.

[storm^phat]

why bother with sit-ups? ;~)

[Samwise]

why bother with sit-ups? ;~)

'cause I am keeping my Mr Universe like stomach muscles in tune, just ready for the day that the overlying excess of adipose tissue goes away.

This could be a long wait I know ;(

[Samwise]

|So then, another updated table. I think I have worked out that if I continue at the current rate of progression (an increase of 250m every third row and I row three times a week) that in 11 million, 500 hundred and 38 thousand, 4 hundred and 61 years I will be rowing the distance to the sun everytime I row. I will keep you posted on how I manage on this one!

http://www.philbond.nildram.co.uk/misc/getfit4.jpg

[Samwise]

Right then, I know you could hardly wait so here it is, the next update. There has almost been a spontaneous outbreak of fitness. From somewhere I have suddenly managed to pick up my pace and for the last three 2500m rows I have brought my average 500m split time down to around the 1.58.0 mark. Not sure why, how etc. nor for how long it will last. Time will tell. Now for those all important numbers:

http://www.philbond.nildram.co.uk/misc/getfit5.jpg

[*LoStPrOpHeT*]

fair play to ya mate, i wana get a rowing machine now :) always wanted one!

and best get back to my 300 sit ups a night really, not 300 kebabs routine im on now

[Samwise]

and best get back to my 300 sit ups a night really, not 300 kebabs routine im on now

I know which regime I would prefer ;(

It's been 2 weeks since I rowed due to heavy cold and currently a bad neck. Hope to get my legs around the beast on Thursday.

[Tolon]

Setup an account on www.blogger.com (http://www.blogger.com) m8. It is a good site.